I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
