there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
