You're completely useless in the revolution.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
