She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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