Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize