Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
