I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
