He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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