operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
