I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We are all done wearing pants today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
