exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
