I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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