I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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