I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
