And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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