god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
