Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
