I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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