So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
