at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
