Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize