I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
