Kiss
Puke
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize