Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
