You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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