Can Purell be used as lube?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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