What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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