If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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