I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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