Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
