Cold hands, warm shart.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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