You just made me feel so damn special
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
try to milk me bitch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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