so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize