I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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