why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize