if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize