Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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