somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can text with my tongue
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
