so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
