Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize