i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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