Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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