your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
