No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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