Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize