Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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