do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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