mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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