In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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