I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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