I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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