i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
