You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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