I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
