I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize