So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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