Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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