i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
