I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
