it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
