I puked a lego.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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