i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
