Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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