break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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