Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
