This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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