Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
two words...techno handjob
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize