i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
