Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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